By the time The Phantom Menace debuted in theaters, scores of toys based on the movie were already in stores. It was an amazing time to be a Star Wars fan… and an even more amazing time to be a Star Wars collector.
For any company producing Star Wars toys, there was no reason to hold back. So long as the plaything had a lightsaber somewhere on its package, everyone was gonna go home happy.
At least, that’s my theory, because it sure explains some of the more wonderfully bizarre Star Wars toys born in that era. Things like a hollow Jabba the Hutt figure, capable of vomiting half-digested frogs. That’s not something you put on the market when you’re hedging your bets!
Brothers and sisters… I’d like to introduce you to JABBA GLOB.
From 1998, it may just be the weirdest Star Wars toy ever, but lest anyone believe that this is a hit piece, I’d also classify it as one of the best.
Here, a Jabba the Hutt figure was made all the sweeter with the addition of green “play gel” and a package of Klatooine paddy frogs. These would’ve been incredible accessories even if you weren’t supposed to do such Kodak-worthy things with them.
JABBA GLOB is “oozing with fun,” or so says the package. The package also warns us that JABBA GLOB is not a food item, which is just about the most curious disclaimer you could possibly put on an action figure’s blister card.
You’re not going to believe what JABBA GLOB can do, but before I get to that, I should point out that this was a terrific toy. It was created in the same scale as the standard action figures, so Jabba fit pretty seamlessly into our made-up Star Wars adventures.
The fact that Jabba was hollow and soft didn’t make him feel “cheaper,” but actually more maneuverable. I own several Jabba the Hutt action figures, but this is the only one that I can convey varying emotions with. Pinch Jabba’s head one way, and he’ll look surprised. Pinch it a different way, and he’ll look like he just got done screaming at clumsy Gamorrean oafs.
Now we’re getting the good stuff. First you rip off Jabba’s head and fill it with frogs and slime. Then you stick the empty slime can into Jabba’s head, creating some sort of creepy Hutt cyborg that would’ve worked nicely in a David Lynch mini-series.
When you’re finished reassembling the figure, Jabba looks no different than before. Just another lousy Hutt, out for spice, money, and six-breasted dancers wearing bear scalps. But looks can be deceiving:
Yes, in tribute to the Bloated One’s loathsome ways, this is the first and only Jabba the Hutt figure capable of throwing up. Literally, actually throwing up. There’s no other meaning to take here.
The more you squeeze Jabba’s head, the more he’ll upchuck. What seemed like a tiny amount of toy slime just moments before will become an unending geyser, and no matter how many times you squeeze Jabba’s head, more gross garbage will come out.
What a great toy! If you picture the target demo for Star Wars figures back in 1998, you’re looking at a sea of young faces who wanted nothing in this world more than a slime-spewing Jabba the Hutt. It was Genie Wish #1, and I thank Hasbro for granting it.
Eventually, Jabba will also regurgitate the frogs, leaving them sizzling on the floor in a pile of lemon-lime Hutt phlegm. Even Bib Fortuna, long desensitized to the Hutt’s disgusting nonsense, can’t believe what he’s seeing. Notice how he’s thrown his trademark trenchcoat aside, knowing full well that anything that neon that comes out of Jabba will leave a stain.
Oh, guys, I am all sorts of in love with JABBA GLOB. It has all the adventure potential of an action figure, but all the messy fun of a Play-Doh set.
That kid’s probably in his late 20s by now, right? If I was him, I’d still be bragging about this. He’s the only person in the entire world who can accurately claim to have been featured on the JABBA GLOB package. Kings have been made over lesser triumphs.
Interested in obtaining your own JABBA GLOB? Well, lucky you — it’s remained inexpensive on the collectors’ market, and if you’re asked to pay more than ten bucks, you’re probably being asked to pay too much.
On the other hand, is any price “too much” for a Jabba the Hutt figure that ralphs up space frogs? Cmonnnnn.